I just need to vent. i feel horrible?

My bf has been deployed since May and wont be back until July. In between all that, we had a little baby about 3 months ago. I've been dealing w/ everything on my own w/o him. I am grateful we get to talk online and at times, on the phone.... I know hes going through a lot there as well...very stressful bec. hes a squad leader and theyve been doing a lot of missions at diff times... the downtime is not so great the past few months. I know that he loves me but I take things out on him. Such as when I asked him if we should get married in court when he gets back (i mean at some point after..not right away)... and he said he couldnt do that...his family is impt to him and he wants them there when we get married... I told him that could take long bec. weddings are expensive... He asked what type of wedding I hope to have and I told him just something simple and intimate... But just w/ trying to balance being a new mom and him being away, I just feel like ive lost myself... my identity... My family criticized that I got pregnant out of wedlock *catholic/culture* and this caused a lot of strain on me. We also didnt date a long time before i got preg..which causes a lot of my insecurities. He has done so much for me..I know he truly loves me but his deployment and just everything..being a new mom, all this stress compounded is hurting our relationship. I have dated someone in the mil before and I am in the reserves (my bf is active) but it wasnt as hard as this. I am sure it's the whole uncertainty w/ the future and also the stress of having a new baby, and worrying about my bf etc. I lost a friend from IED a few months ago.... I know how it is to worry. But I feel horrible..I am going to lose him bec. I upset him more than I should be. We love each other very much but our rel is strained. Sorry jsut venting. Please dont say anything negative. I dont need that right now.. just some advice would be good... thank you